Last Night On Earth
by PyramidCalyx
Summary: Bensidy one-shot. Takes place right after "Post-Mortem Blues". Olivia lets go of the past and fixes her present.


A/N: Inspired by "Post-Mortem Blues" & my wholehearted love of Brian & Olivia. I wanted to post right away, so please excuse any typos! Lyrics belong to Green Day. Let me know what you guys think. :-)

**Last Night On Earth**

_My beating heart belongs to you_

_I walked for miles til I found you_

_I'm here to honor you_

_If I lose everything in the fire_

_I'm sending all my love to you_

Words and images were scrambled into an unintelligible heap in her mind. The grand jury had sided with her, and she was relieved, but still felt on shaky ground. Dr. Lindstrom's gentle advice to put what had happened behind her, to lock William Lewis away in her past, echoed in her head. She was alive, she was a survivor. He was dead. She left the morgue with a lighter burden upon her shoulders; she had stared at his cold, pathetic form on the stainless steel slab and felt a surge of empowerment that she hoped was the beginning of the end of her journey to reconcile the deep wounds the man had inflicted.

Her career was safe, her pension, her reputation. She was more at ease being number two at SVU, rather than commanding the unit. The added stress of managing the other detectives had aged her; even if nobody else saw it, she knew and felt it to be true. As she headed in the direction of her apartment she couldn't help but think about the chaotic events of the year so far. The trial. The prison break. The Russian roulette. All of the major hiccups related to Lewis. Now he was gone, and here she stood, on her own two feet, battle-weary and alone.

Olivia hung her coat and dropped her keys on the counter. She took a deep breath, gazing at the comfortable space she called home. In the past month, the walls had grown empty, the bookcases had more gaps. She closed her eyes and sank onto the couch, feeling her heart begin to pound. This time it wasn't due to flashbacks, or the nagging worry that Lewis would exact revenge on her. She was no stranger to arriving home to an empty apartment, yet, her chest felt heavy and she opened her eyes to stare at the expressionless black screen of the television. Even on nights she had been by herself in this apartment, she hadn't been completely alone.

Her fingers found the phone. She blindly dialed.

/\/\/\

He stood bathed in the warm glow from the open door. She sucked in a quick breath and scanned the man before her. His face etched with a mixture of concern and uncertainty, his eyes shadowed by dark circles, his jaw unshaven. He gave her a weak smile and she felt tears burning her eyes.

"Hey."

The low rasp of his voice sent a shiver down her spine. She took him by surprise, first by calling, and now by her sudden embrace. She gripped his neck, inhaling his scent, his presence. He was startled, but quickly wrapped his arms tightly around her, his cheek resting against her hair. Time held no consequence; they stood, holding the other as if it were their last night on earth. She felt tears breaking free and, for the first time, she didn't pull away to hide them from him. As her frame began to shake, her kissed her hair and gently ushered her over the threshold.

"It's okay, Liv. You're okay."

His words were hushed and she slowly raised her tear-stained face to look at him. Her dark eyes met his pale irises and she saw the sheen of tears. And the love. And the hurt. She took a step backward and gingerly touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

"Can we sit?"

He nodded, hanging his coat next to hers and kicking his shoes off. She waited then took his hand, leading him to the couch they had purchased together. She felt a pang of guilt; this had been _their_ home. The home that _he_ had hoped they would become closer in. The home that she stayed in after he packed his clothing, a few boxes of odds and ends, and left because she wanted him to. Now she felt confused and angry with herself for giving up, for pushing him away.

"I was a little shocked you called," he said quietly. "I didn't think you wanted me around. I mean, you sort of sent that message when we talked before you left the hospital."

Olivia wiped her eyes. "I know, I'm sorry, Brian," she hesitated. "You know, Nick and Fin offered to call you after I got home. They didn't want me to be alone."

"I'd have been at the hospital if you would've wanted me there."

She turned her head, watching him fiddle with the zip of his hoodie. She could sense he was hurt by their previous conversation; he wanted to be with her that night, comforting her, but she told him she would be fine. She wanted to rest; she didn't want to drag him back into her situation. Yet, here they were, a couple weeks later. She had called. He came over without question.

"I don't want you to think I called you tonight because I need help handling another rough time," she began, clasping her hands in her lap to stop them from trembling. "That's not why I wanted you here."

"Then what is it, Liv?" he interrupted, studying her face. "You thought we were better off apart, so I gave you that."

His tone wasn't accusatory, but she would feel the heartache hidden beneath his words. The night they amicably ended their relationship, she had waved off their bond as nothing more than being there for each other during difficult times. He surprised her by confessing his love, and she quickly took defensive action; she answered in kind, but that didn't change her mind about breaking up. No, she was driven; they had been having problems seeing eye to eye, they never discussed the future, they rarely spent time together. These were signs that she should make an executive decision and finally face the fact that her boyfriend wasn't Mr. Right.

When the dust settled, however, she felt broken and ashamed that she let go of him. She was afraid to admit her mistakes and felt it was easier to run than to slow down and fix their relationship. He hadn't argued, he hadn't begged her to reconsider. She assumed he agreed, until her common sense took hold; she _knew_ Brian Cassidy, she knew how his mind worked. He had already begged, and failed, fifteen years ago for her to give him a chance; he wasn't going to let history repeat itself. He let her win, without a fight. But she saw the light in his eyes diminish, saw through the tight smile he gave, recognizing the pain he tried to hide. She had broken his heart, and now she wanted to put it back together.

"I'm putting Lewis behind me," she spoke resolutely, despite the hint of a tremor in her voice. "Everything that happened is in the past, and I'm letting go of what's happened. Letting go of the past."

Brian nodded. "That's good."

She gave him a small smile, the next words forming in her mind, bringing with them emotions she had never let him see. "Except, I don't want to let go of everything in the past. I want to start over with you. I want to try again, Brian."

His eyebrows rose. "Just like that?"

Anxious butterflies flitted in Olivia's chest. Tears pricked her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I was wrong," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Do you love me, Olivia?"

Her eyes rose to meet his and she was taken aback by the tragic play of emotions on his face. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. His body appeared on the verge of either fight or flight, as if he were expecting the worst and was physically and mentally readying himself for the blow.

"Brian," she looked deep into his eyes, hoping that he could see the truth behind her words. "I love you. I love you, so much. I was so afraid to let myself be with you, to let myself love you, and I'm sorry. You always had my back, through everything, and I never let you in even though I should have. I'm so sorry."

A sob erupted and she let her defences crumble. His arms pulled her into his lap, encircling her body, holding her to him. She buried her face in his neck and let herself fall.

"It's okay, Liv," he murmured, his fingers brushing through her hair. "I have always loved you, and I always will."

She straightened her torso, sitting up against the arm of the couch. He grinned, wiping away her tears with his thumb. His palm cupped her cheek and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"But do you want to take another chance on me?"

Brian chuckled. "If you want to take a chance on me, than I think something can be arranged."

"I want to tell you what happened."

"You don't have to, Liv," he shook his head. "It's over now."

"No," she pushed. "I want to be more open with you, communicate better. I think that would help."

Brian nodded, his hand caressing her thigh. "Yeah, that's a good place to start. Both of us need to talk, be a bit more honest with each other."

Olivia eyed him carefully. "Does that include discussing the future?"

He smirked. "It took me fifteen years to muster up the courage to say 'I love you' and now I gotta think about getting old, too?"

"Need I remind you that you're younger than me?" Olivia arched a brow, mirroring his smirk.

"What, by about six months? I guess I'll take it," he answered with a shit-eating grin. "But seriously, Liv, you were right when you said I never think about that stuff. But, I think I just believed you would be part of my future and I didn't want to question that in case I was wrong, you know? I mean we were having fun hooking up, then things got more serious, and I liked where we were going. I didn't want to jinx it, but I always wanted you in my life. I just didn't know how to say it."

Olivia's eyes welled with tears hearing the sincerity in his voice. She had never given him much credit, but he truly was a good man with an honest heart. Despite all odds, Brian had always wanted to be with her, to be given a chance to prove that he was worth it. He had been a solid, comforting presence in the Lewis nightmare, and he had never asked for anything in return.

"I was too scared to admit how much I felt about you, Bri. You're the first guy I've ever let take care of me, at least, as much as I would let you take care of me. I took advantage of you, especially after Lewis and the trial. I pretended that we were fine even though we were both hurting. And instead of talking to you first, I brought up the big topics we had never touched and used them to justify breaking up."

"I didn't know what you wanted me to say that night," he admitted, his eyes cast downward.

"I know," she whispered, lifting his chin. "From now on, no more bluffing. No more secrets. I trust you, Brian. I trust you with everything that I am."

She kissed him, her lips firmly pressing against his. Her cheeks still burned with salty tears, but she forgot about the sting as their embrace became driven by passion. Brian gripped her thigh, gently squeezing as she tickled his lips with her tongue. Her hands supported his head and she shifted her position so that she straddled his lap. He groaned as her tongue brushed his. The longing and desire were skyrocketing through both of their bodies, and Olivia pushed her hips roughly against his.

"Liv," he breathed. "Liv, wait."

She stopped, frowning. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want you to feel pressured."

"I'm not, I want this," she captured his lips once more, scratching the back of his head with her nails.

Brian caught himself before becoming lost under her spell. "No, Liv," he sighed. "Look, I want this, you have no idea how much, but we just started working things out. I don't want to rush anything. I don't want you to get overwhelmed and … end it again."

Olivia sat back on his thighs, her hands resting on his shoulders. She saw the worry in his eyes. "Brian," she said softly. "I don't want to ever run from us again. We still have things to work on, and talk through, I know. It's just that I miss you, so much."

He grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I miss you, too, babe."

"There is no pressure, no expectations. This doesn't feel too fast," she caressed his cheek. "I want to make love to you, Bri."

Her fingers danced across his lips and his hesitation dissolved. Their lips meshed together, both moaning as they became lost in each other. Brian gripped her hips and stood up, carrying her into the bedroom. Lust and an almost giddy excitement took hold of the couple as shirts were discarded and pants tugged off. As the last of their clothing fell to the floor, Olivia scooted to the middle of the bed and held out her hand. Brian grinned, kissing her knuckles before crawling over top of her.

"I love you, so much," he whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

Olivia felt her heart swell, her soul touched by pure happiness. "I love you, Brian."

He softly kissed her, one hand cupping her face as the other ran down her side, stopping at her hip. She pulled his lips back to hers, pushing her tongue into his mouth. His hand squeezed her hip and she smiled against his lips. She moaned as his own hips dipped, his erection teasing her inner thigh.

"Fuck," she murmured, her eyes closing as the head of his cock teased her wet slit.

Brian chuckled softly, moving his lips down her neck. Her nails dug into his strong shoulders as he sucked one nipple into his warm mouth, gently biting the hardened nub. Olivia writhed beneath him and bucked her hips up. He sat up on his knees, running his hands over her breasts and abdomen. She gazed at him, her eyes dark with arousal.

"You're so beautiful," he marveled.

"Bri," she blushed.

He smiled, running his hands over her hips and wrapping her legs around him as he hovered over her once more. Their eyes met as he pushed into her, slowly filling her warm center. Brian linked their hands at either side of Olivia's head, leaning down to meet her lips. She moaned as he stretched her core, his cock buried deep within her, beginning an even rhythm of thrusts. She caught his eyes again and let go of one of his hands so she could touch his face. Her thumb caressed his cheek as her fingers lightly dug into his short hair.

As his pace increased, he began fingering her clit. Olivia's moans grew louder as their bodies approached nirvana. He felt her muscles clench his cock, her climax taking hold of her body. Olivia cried out his name as she came, and he thrust hard several times before releasing inside of her. Their lips fused together as they came down from their high.

She had never felt so intimately connected to somebody, and she realized this was the first time truly making love with a man. She saw the raw devotion in his eyes, the sincere passion and tenderness as he took his time bringing them both to orgasm. She traced the scar on his chin, partially hidden by stubble.

"You're incredible," she murmured. "Thank you for giving me another chance."

Brian lay beside her, propped up on one elbow. "Hey, it's only fair, right. You gave me a second try to woo you."

Olivia chuckled. "I'm glad I did. You're," she paused, biting her lower lip. "You're the man I see myself growing old with. I can't image living without you, Bri."

"You won't have to," he kissed her forehead. "You're my family, Liv. Whether it's just the two of us, or, you know, kids. I want to make you happy, make us happy. I'm ready for that next step."

"Brian, are you sure?"

He grinned. "Someone has to carry on the Cassidy name."

She rolled her eyes. "Uh huh. You mean Benson-Cassidy."

"Nope, just Cassidy."

Olivia smiled, suddenly aware of the joy she felt, the happiness that radiated from her heart like a beacon in the night. She knew they still had an uphill road ahead, and that not everything would be smooth sailing. But, for the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful about the future. He wasn't going to leave without a word, walk away from her like so many others had. She felt ready to fully commit to a relationship, to affirm that she was in it for the long-run. Her inhibitions had long served to shield her from becoming too close, stopping her from baring her soul to another. But as she lay in Brian's arms that night, she remembered Don Cragen's advice that she take care of herself, that there was more to life than the job. Olivia finally felt that she deserved this chance to love and be loved, and she couldn't imagine doing that with anyone but Brian.


End file.
